Far from the Beginning....

Since first moving here, we, meaning my two boys, 7 and 10, have been trying to adjust to the concrete jungle called Los Angeles. At times It seems as if all is well, I have no doubt of my recent choices. But their are just some moments when everything seems to fall down. When what I feel that I have built seems to be tearing apart.


Last night was a horribly emotional night for me. Having my monthly thoughts boiling up all day, I found myself dodging my wonderful boyfriends questions and renouncing his caresses. 


What sparked me off was nothing more than the ever frequently "go to bed" bid. 
I had to put my foot down, raise my voice and scream out empty groundings. After doing house work, trying to get my house ready for christmas visitors, a rowdy dinner, I was pushed over.
Still refusing to tell my Vince what was wrong with me, even though he clearly had seen it for days, I secluded myself and tried to "relax".
He didn't give up and pushed. I finally told him my overwhelming feelings. 
Instead of running away and saying this was not for him, which was what held me back from expressing my concerns, he offered solutions after solutions. He expressed and offered insight and suggested new methods of doing things, to alleviate my motherly woes.

At first I thought "what I had built" was being demolished, but in reality, since I am a single mom, and have been for all ten years, I have never built what I am building now. Maybe the walls of a single family are coming down. For all of us. And the new ones as a whole are slowly starting to rise.

I am really lucky to have an understanding partner. I am not perfect and at times I dont feel as great, but what I do lack He has for me And what the little seeds need is him.