Rainy days and Cabin Fever

Its been to quiet a big surprise the rain here in California. The showers have not ceased since Friday. Most people would say that they hate this weather but my family and I actually love it.
Last Saturday we went out to buy our christmas tree, while it poured cats and dogs. Sure we had wet shoes and jackets. But for the smell and warmth it was well worth it. Now nearing 5 days and with kids and man at home im starting to feel the small familiar claustrophobic itch.
For one, its tooooo wet to step outside. We love going on cloudy disneyland trips, but this is something else. Going to the grocery store has me shivering but staying in has me fearing for my sanity. HA!
My poor bf daughter, which is used to being the only child, now has to deal with having not one but two energetic boys around her. Something that I must say she has done very well with, but of course she has her moments. As do I. I've never had to deal with another woman in my house. Ever. So seeing some of my normal reactions played out by her, makes me wonder.. Am I nuts? Over the top?.
In both cases I think yes. But my loving man seems to handle her and I ever so calmly.

Even my little beast are dealt with a light hand.
I know its hard for other people to handle my brood, its hard for me. But I have found that those who have seem to never be able to get enough of us.
Hopefully the young tree will come around soon. As her mood changes by the hour, I hope that with age her limits for my papis will too <3

Far from the Beginning....

Since first moving here, we, meaning my two boys, 7 and 10, have been trying to adjust to the concrete jungle called Los Angeles. At times It seems as if all is well, I have no doubt of my recent choices. But their are just some moments when everything seems to fall down. When what I feel that I have built seems to be tearing apart.


Last night was a horribly emotional night for me. Having my monthly thoughts boiling up all day, I found myself dodging my wonderful boyfriends questions and renouncing his caresses. 


What sparked me off was nothing more than the ever frequently "go to bed" bid. 
I had to put my foot down, raise my voice and scream out empty groundings. After doing house work, trying to get my house ready for christmas visitors, a rowdy dinner, I was pushed over.
Still refusing to tell my Vince what was wrong with me, even though he clearly had seen it for days, I secluded myself and tried to "relax".
He didn't give up and pushed. I finally told him my overwhelming feelings. 
Instead of running away and saying this was not for him, which was what held me back from expressing my concerns, he offered solutions after solutions. He expressed and offered insight and suggested new methods of doing things, to alleviate my motherly woes.

At first I thought "what I had built" was being demolished, but in reality, since I am a single mom, and have been for all ten years, I have never built what I am building now. Maybe the walls of a single family are coming down. For all of us. And the new ones as a whole are slowly starting to rise.

I am really lucky to have an understanding partner. I am not perfect and at times I dont feel as great, but what I do lack He has for me And what the little seeds need is him.